I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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