We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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