so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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