the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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