Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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