That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
