You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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