i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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