When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
