saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
