I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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