Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
