youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
