bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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