You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
