Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
