i think i have two assholes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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