He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
