After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
