you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
