Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
