Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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