$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
