You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Houston, we have a blender
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
