I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
