Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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