there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
