At least make sure they are 18
Why
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
