So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
