You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
