I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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