need another drink. this is the easiest way
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
