So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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