Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
