I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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