Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
