He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
