We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
