I think I died a long time ago.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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