She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
