Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
