My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
