I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
