I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
