I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
