I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
