Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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