I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i've created a new STD.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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