my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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