So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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