Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
