i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
