i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A bitchslap is in order.
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